Aside from these four books, we have a thick manual. It was so exciting and I really enjoyed it though it (the entire course) bought me into a great test.
Part of my mind says, "nakakahiya namang i-share...so disappointing if people,especially those who have high expectations, would come to know it..." but I think I should be proud of my weakness because through this God's name will be glorified.
Each course, we have to take an exam and we have to pass in order to be qualified in taking the next course. For international ticketing we have 2 courses: Manual Ticketing and Automated Ticketing. Last June 5 was the first part of our exam for Manual Ticketing (using these books on the left), that's equal to 40% of our total rating. Sadly I wrongly answered the 2nd problem. My trainer told me that I must have a perfect grade for the 2nd Exam in order to go on with the training. But even if I get a perfect score, that won't give me a guarantee to stay. Wheeew! I almost cried... but I controlled my tears from falling. When she left...di ko na nakayanan. That happened before we left for Cebu, June 11. I tried to enjoy the trip while hardly thinking about it. Eventually I realized that God is really humbling me. Now I can really say in my heart (as that of my shout out in my Friendster account) that I am not in the business of proving myself to people. I, together with my batchmates, really felt the pressure brought by high expectations of people in our workplace. Once, I asked one of them, "...kailangan ba talagang patunayan ang ating sarili sa iba?" One more thing that makes it hard for me is that I have to face it alone. The scenario is totally different. I'm not anymore in my comfort zone where I can meet my churchmates any time and draw strength from them. I don't even have my family beside me because I'm staying in Manila. I don't have very close friends with me who can understand and be patient with long crying moments (you know, Christians are really bold in crying). All I really have is God. It's hard but it's really sweet at the same time. This is the time when I feel I'm very close to Him.
I said in my prayer one night, "Lord, I don't wanna carry the motive of competing with people, proving that I am better than others, that I am more capable and so on." Then, I realized why this thing happened, God wants to really purify my motive, to keep me humble.
Last week, that's Wednesday, we had our final exam covering the remaining 60% of our grade. By God's grace I was able to finish it. Special thanks to our trainer, Sir Bong, who was very patient with us. The result will be released on Monday. While waiting, I'm continuously having my training, now its Automated Ticketing.
I'm very thankful with God's special way of teaching His child. It's painful...knowing that in the eyes of some, I failed. But that's not the matter anyway. I would be glad that in God's eyes I am approved. I won't accept that I'm a failure either. God clearly stated that "I am more than a conqueror" through Paul in the book of Romans. Though I don't know what tomorrow brings, I have this confidence that nothing, neither those circumstances, will change the truth that God is God and that I have His favor. For as long as I am with You and You are with me Lord, I am so secure.
No comments:
Post a Comment