I'm a BUM!

I resigned from my previous work last August 2008. I have to undergo a minor operation during that time so I need to stop working. Since then, I'm staying at home. I'm not employed until now.

I could say...


I am a BUM! :_(


but then I choose to say...



Thank God I'm a B.U.M.!

B-eing
U-sed by God
M-ightily


I may not be employed but I can't say that I'm totally unproductive. In fact, God is giving so many tasks to me... some are too big and I just can't contain it. (Thank you Lord for trusting me!)

I just learned that being productive is not merely based on where you are or how much money you earn.

Being productive is always a choice! :)

Help me Lord to just trust Your promises... that You are the One who holds my future. Let me just accomplish the tasks You have given me. Prepare me for future assignments and may You always find me faithful no matter how small or big that task may be. :)

Recharged...

Thank You Lord,

Your timing is really perfect.

You know exactly when to recharge me,

You made me really empty and even broken...

so that You can fill me once again.

:D

I am defenseless

Lord, You know how defenseless I am against their painful accusations, their misjudgments. I can't say a word, I know I need not to explain myself...

(Numbers 12:1,3-9)

1 Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses...
3 (Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)
4 At once the LORD said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, "Come out to the Tent of Meeting, all three of you." So the three of them came out.
5 Then the LORD came down in a pillar of cloud; he stood at the entrance to the Tent and summoned Aaron and Miriam. When both of them stepped forward,
6 he said, "Listen to my words: "When a prophet of the LORD is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams.
7 But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house.
8 With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?"
9 The anger of the LORD burned against them, and he left them.

I know I'm neither as humble as Moses nor as faithful as him but I am convinced that we have the same GOD. Now, can I ask You a favor?

"Can You please defend me Lord..."

Sorry Lord...

Sa tuwing makikita ko ang...

- MMDA street sweepers na maagang nagwawalis kahit mainit...
- ponkan vendor na umaakyat sa bawat bus na nakapila sa terminal, masayang nakikipag-usap sa mga pasahero at sinasabing walang kamatayang 5 piso lang ang bawat piraso ng ponkan...
- kilalang burger vendor, na iba-iba ang hair style, na sinusuyod din ang mga bus sa terminal at nakangiting sinasabi, "Burger Ma'am, Sir, burger...with coleslaw na po, baon sa b'yahe"...
- masasayahing parking attendants sa compound ng Boom na Boom...
- babaeng traffic enforcer na nasa gitna ng daan buong maghapon...

...nahihiya ako Sa'yo Lord dahil feeling ko napaka-ungrateful ko sa work na binigay Mo sa'kin.

Naalala ko tuloy ang mga lines na ito:
* It's not important how big or small your task is, what matters is that you do it with joy and love.
* I can't do great things. I can do small things in great ways.

Lord, help me to be faithful up to the end. May everything I do give glory to Your Most Holy Name.

Packing Up

Last night, inimpake ko na ang iba ko pang gamit sa apartment. Yun na ang huling tulog ko sa lugar na 'yon.

Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko (at sa prayer) "Khen, kailangan bang mag-drama ka ng ganyan? haha! Feeling mo naman sa abroad ka pupunta!" (actually natatawa rin ako sa sarili ko) Buti na lang nagkakaintindihan kami ni Lord. Hay... *isang malalim na buntong-hininga. Hirap pala talaga iwan ang isang bagay na mahalaga para sayo...

Revealing my Secret Place

After 6 months of staying in an apartment in Pasay, it's sad to say that we're (my sister and I) leaving. I've decided to stay in Dasmariñas with my parents. So, uwian ulit just like before.

Actually, we attempted to leave the apartment for almost a hundred times for various reasons. Pero hanggang dun lang. I said, "Lord, there must be a reason kung bakit hindi kami makaalis dito..." Finally, mukhang totohanan na this time. I have with me a bag of clothes which I will bring home later.

Nakakalungkot din kahit papa'no dahil nasanay na rin akong umuwi dun. Yesterday, I had a chance to take some photos dahil ako lang mag-isa. :D

This photo shows almost all the parts of the house. It's not that big but the size is enough to accomodate 3 to 4 persons. (Apat nga pala kami dito. I, my sister, her workmate and her sister [replacing my officemate, umalis na kasi sya last November. She stays in Cavite City naman, uwian na sya ngayon.]) We're the first tenants. Medyo choosy kasi ang may-ari. He doesn't want a couple as tenant, neither those who have children (kasi baka daw sulatan ang pader), etc. gusto nya all girls para maalaga sa bahay.

Looking closer... the kitchen was not used as a place to cook but rather a place for laundry! :D Wala rin naman kaming masyadong gamit for cooking, ang madalas lang naming lutuin ay noodles! We often buy food or eat dinner outside. I also took a picture of the bathroom. Maliit lang pero cute. Sabi nga nga ng sister ko sosi daw ang CR namin... nasa third floor ang toilet bowl. LOL! Yan ang part ng bahay na madalas ako ang naglilinis. hmp. The bedroom turned out to be our closet. We were provided with a steel bed (I don't know how should I call it) but it's good for one person only. There's no window on this room and nobody from us dared to sleep here.

This area is the living room (supposedly) pero hindi na kami nag-abalang maglagay ng sofa or small chair man lang... hahahaha! That's where we spread our mats and sleep. That's the only part with good ventilation and enough space para matulugan. The window faces a firewall kaya safe naman kami... walang makakasilip!

This is my favorite spot. Pag-uwi ng apartment galing work, latag ko lang ito tapos salampak na! hahaha. That's where I read my Bible along with various devotional books and pray. But in some cases, sa kitchen ako nag-dedevotion, when all of them are sleeping and they don't want the lights on.

This is a very special place for me. This house used to be the mute witness of everything - of how God trained me and changed my attitude, how I spoke to God with all boldness, how I cried so hard when I was under great testing, how I learned to praise and worship God alone with singing and dancing, how I delved for a longer time in prayer, how I contended with my own weaknesses and how I learned to be submissive to God.

They say, 'In order to have an intimate relationship with God, find a specific time and a secret place where you and God can meet.' Well, this apartment was our secret place (which I'll be leaving soon). Too sad. :( But then, I know God will provide another place where we can meet. I might be leaving the place but definitely I'll be bringing all the learning and the sweet moments with my King!

Praise & Worship

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakapag-post, madalas kasi gusto ko lang magbasa ng posts ng iba. :D

I kept this as a draft since early December and finally I was able to post this today.

When I hear the words Praise and Worship, I always have these in mind:

A Praise & Worship Leader...

Choir and back up singers...

A music band...

Dancers...
Congregation...

(photos taken last December 30, 2007 - Sunday Service by Karen Novicio)

But I was reminded of a deeper kind of worship, Worshiping Him alone. "Alone" as in mag-isa ako, nobody sees, nobody hears, nobody knows... Just between God and I.

Last December 4, I started to have my own Praise and Worship (and believe me sobrang saya! yihee!) Bigla na lang may pumapasok sa isip ko na songs at ayun...praise & worship ako mag-isa sa apartment.

I appreciate the song "Alone" by Clint Brown.

You don't need majestic choirs

and awesome voices raised

You don't need a congregation

to offer Me your praise

You don't need a mighty orchestra

to bless Me with your song

You get all of My attention

When you worship Me alone

I love to hear it when you sing your song

and worship Me alone

I'm praying that God will give me a heart of worship not just for a day or on Sundays. I want it even on my darkest times and especially when I'm alone.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

Birthday Prayer

Lord,

• create in me a pure heart with honest intentions (1 Chronicles 29:17)
• bless me so I can bless others more (Deuteronomy 15:6)
• give me a discerning heart and wisdom (1 Kings 3:9)
• use me more for the benefit of others (Galatians 3:8)
• help me to be humble and think less of my self (James 3:13)
• strengthen me so I can do the work You've entrusted to me (Psalm 73:26)
• give me a grateful heart and help me to keep myself from complaining (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
• make my heart teachable (Psalm 119:27)
• help me to persevere and be mature in faith (James 1:4)
• give me patience and help me to understand that everything has its perfect time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
• help me to be decisive (Job 38:36)
• draw me closer to You, I want to know You more (Psalm 119:20)
• teach me how to love the way You do - agape love (John 3:16)

Can these be Your birthday gifts to me?

...though I know You have given so much

...and this will take time.

Thank you for another year of Your faithfulness and love.

Counting our blessings (Part II)

Medyo matagal na rin akong hindi nakapagpost though I used to visit various blogs. Minsan kasi mas feel kong magbasa lang...

Anyway, I want to continue mentioning some of God's blessings to me as I have said in my older post.

* My co-leaders sa ministry. Nakakatuwa yung relationship ng leaders, parang magkakapatid lang talaga. They are real blessings. They're true friends. Though may mga times na hindi nagkakaintindihan, mas nangingibabaw pa rin yung love.

* Tehillah Dance Team. This is the team that I handle in the ministry. The team is composed of 25 members (one is in Hongkong), all are teens. Medyo complicated ang stage na 'to (i mean the age) 'cause this is the stage wherein sobrang taas ng level ng curiousity, madalas ang mood swing at to the maximum level ang pagiging sensitive. But then, I love this team so much. God used them to train me not just in terms of leadership but more in character; how to care genuinely, to be patient, to listen, to understand, to love and to pray harder.

* Churchmates' blogs. Sobrang malaking tulong sa'kin ang posts ng churchmates ko. There are times na sobrang discouraged ako and then pag-nagbukas ako ng page at nagbasa, naeencourage ako sa stories nila.

* Church Pastors. "Anointed." Yun lang ang nasasabi ko minsan 'pag nakikita ko sila. They're being used by God to deliver His message to the congregation. Most of the time, sapul talaga ako sa sermon! :)

* Music. Sa buong maghapon na nakaharap ako sa computer doing various paper works, nagmiminister sa'kin yung songs na pinakikinggan ko (ngaun, We Speak to Nations ang tugtog).
When I'm sleepy, patugtog lang ako ng praise songs.

* My Bosses. As I have stated in my previous post, sobrang kakaiba ang superiors ko, madalas hindi makarecognize or maka-appreciate ng mga bagay bagay, demanding at times and so on. But then, I'm thankful for having them. I learned how to be independent, to be decisive and to be submissive.

* My CLDP teacher and classmates. Sobrang nag-eenjoy ako sa class namin sa CLDP. Actually wala namang something special sa class, lecture type lang talaga...makikinig ka lang, pwedeng mag-share if you want. But every meeting is an exciting one for me dahil sa dami ng natututunan ko when it comes to leadership. Saturday, November 24, is our last meeting at pot bless! hihi!

* Trials. If I'll enumerate lahat ng ito sobrang marami but still trials can't outnumber God's blessings. Thankful ako sa mga trials for they draw me closer to God, make me stronger, wiser and more mature.

Indeed, God has blessed me so much and this page might not be able to contain all those. I'm thankful for the sun, for the wind, for the air I breathe, for this life and so on.

*GOD, most of all, I am thankful that I have You. This life will never be as meaningful as this if I haven't come to know YOU.

Counting our blessings

I was going through my yahoo email and noticed a message from a fellow christian with the subject, "You are blessed!" Below is the content.

• If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week.


• If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.


• If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.


• If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.


• If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish some place, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.


• If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, especially in the United States.


• If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.


• If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder,you are blessed because you canoffer God's healing touch.
  If you can read this message,you are more blessed than overtwo billion people in the worldthat cannot read anything at all.


• You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

I list some of the blessings God has given me.

• My Job. I am currently working as the executive assistant of PACEOS short for Philippine Association of Convention/Exhibition Organizers and Suppliers, Inc.

• A private organization of Event organizers, venues and suppliers in the country. Members of the association are companies like SM X Covention Center, Heritage Hotel, World Trade Center, Global Link and so on. My work is a quite hard to explain. I am the only staff they have. In effect, I do all the work from messengerial to accounting. haha! Imagine I was able to reach different places knowing the address alone, not the exact location. With this I learned..."Ok lang maligaw, basta marunong kang magbasa at may pamasahe ka, makakabalik ka!" I work in the office without my superiors around ('cause they report in their respective companies). We keep in touch through email and phone. Since, we have an event on Nov.9-11, I do all the work. huh! I can't file a resignation right away though most of the time I feel like doing so. I need to find someone to replace me before I may do so. Often, I say and feel that I'm not enjoying my work anymore but then, I thank God for He provided a job for me. Millions are looking for jobs but they can't find some.
• My Family. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers. (other details and stories to follow)
• My Christian brothers and sisters. The church is my bigger family. I am really blessed every time I think of them, my co-workers and even the COG building.
• My office computer. This one was my silent friend. It knows even my prayers ('cause I used to encode my prayers here..."kinakausap ko si Lord through my computer").
• My cellphone. Since I entered college, I've been using Nokia 8210. (Niloloko ko nga ang dance, sabi ko pinagbibili ko na ang phone ko..."DOS na lang, two gives" hehe!).

...to be continued. We are blessed more than we can ever imagine!

Just Love

"There was a man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. The man still tried but the scorpion stung him again. Another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion. But the man said, 'It is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?' - Don't give up caring, don't give up your goodness, even when everyone around you stings."

I got this text message from Kua Nad and Charm, my co-leaders in the ministry. I deleted the message when I received it from Kua Nad. Few days later, the same message was sent to me by Charm. God might have something say...

I have a friend, a very close friend. We treat each other as real sisters. Though we are separated by distance ('cause she works in Dasma and I, here in Manila and stays here during weekdays), we're able to keep the connection through text and chat. Sometimes, we meet during weekends.

All of a sudden, everything has changed. For the past two weeks, I received no text or phone call from her. I sent messages to her but have received no response. When I saw her somewhere in Dasma (and I knew she saw me too), it seemed that I was a stranger, deadma ba! It's very obvious that she's avoiding me. I didn't know exactly why.

I've been praying about this for several days and I'm really crying out to God. Sobrang hindi ako sanay sa ganong set-up since I treat her as akin. Like with my sisters, 'pag may galit sakin, umiiyak din ako. But then, I'm acting as if nothing happens. I'm texting her, sending her quotes and bible verses, greeting her good morning and so on.

Finally, last night she replied on my text message and said, "Ok lang..." (kinumusta ko kasi). I'm trying to establish a good conversation but she didn't cooperate. Ang sagot nya lang lagi, "Ewan ko sayo...," "Bahala ka..."

That caused so much pain to me...(along with other hang ups) until I said, "Lord, suko na ko!" If she wants it this way then, fine with me! I want to shift my attention to other things. But the Holy Spirit is saying in a soft voice, "Just Love" and a follow through, "You're not designed to be rude. Repay evil with good."

I've learned so much from this circumstance. God taught me to...
...have patience.
...understand.
...keep my eyes on Him.
...pray and be honest before Him.
...trust Him more when it comes to relationships.
...entrust myself not to anyone else except from God (John 2:24-25)
...consider Him as my one and only true friend.
...love.

When people avoid you, just love.

When people leave you, just love.

When people malign you, just love.

When people misjudge you, just love.

When people hurt you, just love.

Just love...

...just love them like Jesus.